One of the least explored
and most mysterious phenomena today is the legendary art of classroom sleeping.
Its origins remain a mystery though it has evolved over the centuries into a much
more precise art form. It is really surprising how the classroom instils a
remarkable skill in people of being able to fall asleep in various positions at
any time whatsoever, irrespective of what is going on around then. People sleep
in the morning because it’s the morning and they sleep post-lunch because its
well, post-lunch.
So far, detailed information on this subject has been very hard to come by for
several reasons. For one, regular hardcore sleepers are very secretive and
refuse to divulge any information and secondly, this study involves a lot of
dangerous, unmentionable perils.
However, this document has been created by daring to go where a few have
ventured before. Careful methodical observation of various classroom sleepers, interviews
with a few masters of the ancient art, visits to some of the most dangerous
places in the classroom, opinions of some of the best experts in the
psycho-physio-somatic field and of course the customary joblessness have
conspired to bring to you this basic handbook on the different styles of
classroom sleeping which, by the way, the insiders prefer to call “Cleeping.”
The Fish Eyed Wonder :
The most common mode
of cleeping. Named after the fish who sleeps with its eyes open. And just like
the fish there are sea-loads, or rather, lift loads of people whose eyes remain
wide open in class. However, you can almost hear their mind snoring. It also
happens to be one of the safest ways of cleeping, hard to detect and harder to
pin down. The only give away is the drooling and the vacant expression on the
subjects’ face.
My Desk, My Pillow : The humble college desk is recognized as an
International Heritage Monument by the UN (ask Koshtub if you don’t believe me).
Those bumpy, scratchy, squeaky, often
colourful surfaces are testimony to the literature of entire generations as it
evolved. And in that mass of graffiti, notebook, pen, i-pod, cell phone and the
occasional dried chewing gum, there sometimes lies a head. Almost a dead head.
Its bearer fatigued by the exploits of the previous night or unable to bear the
weight of the lecture, he does an action that is common across almost all
college cultures around the globe. He crooks the elbow of one hand, places it
on the desk and then crashes into it, head first. Pure somatic ecstasy.
The Guerrilla’s Choice : This one is for the cautious sleeper. The crux lies in taking
advantage of the size of the person sitting in front, and ducking behind him
while you doze off. It is the most mathematical and calculative method of
cleeping. You need to take into account several intricacies and estimations
like movement of the cover, movement of the lecturer, angle of the lecturer’s
vision etc. However, beware! Great plans have been foiled simply by last minute
movements of any involved persons.
On the Forefront : General opinion has been that
“front benchers” never sleep. But that is usually because General opinion is fast asleep on the
occasions when the front begins to shut its eyes. Or maybe its because the
front is too far away from where most people sit, so it is hard for them to see
whats going on. But the point is this, front benchers do sleep. Oh yes they do. And it is a sight worth beholding when it
happens. You can almost see the struggle taking place as the weary Front
Bencher puts up a valiant fight against that ‘old sinking feeling’. The
drooping of the eye lids, the slouching of the shoulders and the sudden jerks
till sleep, that evil temptress takes over completely. It remains, till date, the most heroic form of
cleeping. Not the least because it happens right beneath some noses which have
been rumoured to breathe fire.
Back to the Darkness : Back of the class . Full stop.
Zzzzzz.....
(More stuff on the way)
